The Novel continues.....

Hello again. Yes you’ve guessed it – having a break from the novel. It is going better though, thanks for asking. You did ask right?

I watched the rugby on Saturday at a hostelry off campus in town. I didn’t realise that I had forgotten what stubble looked like. Living on campus with a bunch of eighteen year olds has obviously taken its toll. I am hoping some of their youthful exuberance will rub off on me – and that’s doesn’t mean 4am finishes. Let’s be realistic here.

Since joining the gym last week, I did the first bit of exercise since I came down and very pleased with myself too I was. That’ll get the little grey cells working I thought. I was temporarily puzzled when I tried to get out of bed this morning. When had I missed the fact that I had been set about with a large mallet? I could barely move my arms and legs and turning my head required the kind of movement which just makes me look very odd, ie. I am in a lot of pain. I think that when asked where I was from when joining the gym. The answer ‘London’ met with a look which said ‘She should know what she’s doing, but we’ll check’ – as it should. However in my brain this computed to ‘show them what you are made of’. So after at least six months of non-gym attendance I proceeded to go hell for leather at both at spinning class (Fri) and Bodypump (Sat). It may have helped my brain – but the body is suffering.

Doing research yesterday in the papers, (for the novel – natch), I discovered that I am in fact a ‘Pankie’, this is Professional Aunt No Kids, thank goodness I’m not Working eh, otherwise that would be unfortunate....Apparently I am in good company – Beyonce and Kylie are (or will become) Pankies – although I have neither Beyonce’s enormous behind nor Kylie’s frozen forehead thankfully. If one is a Hopeless Aunt, would you be a Hankie? Or am I a Skilled Aunt – a skankie – now that’s not so nice is it? Anyhow, they didn’t elaborate.

What I really want to be though is something else. I am trying to think a suitable acronym.....

How not to write a novel...

This is the brilliant website that I found whilst I was doing my research for the profile of Jason Goodwin for the Port Eliot Festival. Check it out it’s great.
http://www.authorsinthekitchen.com/author-index/
Now here is where I have ickle pickle confession to make. The above statement may sounds worthy, nay even clever, hey, I was working. But this is only half the story. I was, in fact, practising work avoidance, albeit cleverly disguised. I was doing something I would rather be doing, rather than actually doing the thing I should be doing. If you know what I mean. Got it? So whilst I was feeling all smug that I had research and written my profiles (TWO hasten I has to add – this was extreme work avoidance) I should have been writing my novel. Well just the plan actually. It’s got to be done by Tuesday and if it’s not I’m in trouble.
Not ‘kick me of the course’ trouble, but ‘you’ve got 10 weeks to write 30,000’ trouble. You see what I mean? It goes well for a bit and then I get distracted.
For example, when I (or one of my characters) is faced with a particularly pithy dilemma (or conflict as we novelists call it), I’ll think ‘I wonder what’s happening in the world today?’ Saying to myself that, after all, if I am to be a writer, I must be abreast of current affairs. Hey presto, this now gives me carte blanche to spend half an hour surfing the internet looking at ‘news’ stories, but usually being waylaid by the horoscopes instead (always hideously inaccurate I find, so even more of a waste of time).
See look what’s happened here. This very moment in fact. See it has happened without me even realising it! I was writing my plan and then thought I had to share my thoughts with everyone. I’ve already tweeted that it’s a lovely sunny day, my hyacinths smell lovely and spring has arrived in Cornwall.
I’m also due to watch the rugby at 5 so I’d better get my skates on...work avoidance is *so* time consuming....

Tooting Wurzel becomes a Surf Chick...

Last Thursday and Friday (6 November) we had Simon van Booy, 34, from New York talking to us and giving us a workshop. He had just been announced as the winner of the prestigious Frank O’Connor Short Story Award for his collection, Love Begins in Winter. Simon’s funny and interesting talk was also attended by the Dartington Campus – commonly known as the ‘wacky’ campus – mainly because one girl once turned up in a coat made from Parma ham (how expensive - especially for a student – not to mention smelly) and our lecture confirmed this. One attendee, a rather well-built chap turned up in boxer shorts and socks. We at Falmouth assumed that it was a bet, but I have been since informed that this was to do with ‘performance art’ as this was his course. Get thee to a gym that’s what I say. Although we were fortunate in that his lecturer persuaded him not to turn up in the buff – his usual attire – that or ladies’ undies. How we laughed.

Back to Simon though. He was utterly brilliant and apart from saying that it was better to be miserable to write made he me feel that anything it possible! I sadly admit that I have written several his ancedotes and jokes down purely because they are something far more brilliant than something I could ever attempt myself.

I’m officially a ‘surf chick’, well that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. On Saturday night (7 November) I went to ‘Board Shorts’ – puns intended, a series of short films on surfing, which was part of the Cornwall Film Festival which was this weekend.

So what on earth was I, a self-confessed shirker of most physical activity if ever there was one, doing at this event? Well truth be told, my neighbour, a bona fide surfer, was reviewing it for a local magazine, ‘The Stranger’ and he had a spare ticket. That and the promise of lots of fit, Greek god like youths. I was not disappointed. Many sported what I thought was very dodgy facial furniture in the shape Magnum style ‘taches but these were all for a good cause, namely Movember a month long charity event for men’s health and particularly Prostate Cancer. So all for a brilliant and worthwhile cause (and they all still looked cute…).

Knowing nothing about surfing I was in for a treat. The eight films were truly inspiring, both visually and emotionally. None more so than the ‘Beach Boys’, a film about three young autistic boys who had been brought out of themselves by the experience. It was humbling in the extreme to watch these children and their parents. One father said that he would ‘wear a blue hat on Thursdays’ if it would have made a difference to his son’s development – and surfing certainly did that. To watch these children, who previously did not communicate with the world around them, come to life reduced me to tears.

This week has mostly been overshadowed by having no internet access in my room – which may sound trivial, but when you have to run backwards and forwards in torrential rain and howling gales to the library to post work (yes, the weather forecasts were very accurate) it’s not much fun. I didn’t think it was possible to get so get soaked to the skin in such a short space of time – even with an umbrella. I also have no phone and no light and no television aerial. Suffice to say the maintenance department are not keen on me right now and the feeling is entirely mutual.

On a lighter note I have been accepted on a bursary placement for a screen writing workshop run by the BBC next weekend. I am slightly dubious about their criteria but I’ve been accepted so I can’t be that bad. We shall see.

I will report back on the film festival this week, but I wanted to get something up for you lovely people sooner rather than later.

Still to come….

Don’t forget Pastywatch is on going…..and now I have my camera there will be photographs (ooh!)

Sushi night at the Star & Garter (ahh!)

And much more besides…..

Tooting Wurzel is very wet and cold

Hey me again, back already....missed me yet?!

As you can guess from the above title - it is wet and VERY cold here. Made it to Truro today - Cornwall is very lovely - even in the relentless rain! Truro is a city as it has a cathedral - a prerequisite for that definition - but is tiny nevertheless - and beautiful.

Sadly no pasties were tasted, but I did find out that Cornish pasties should NEVER have carrot in them, as you can't grow carrots in Cornwall due to the carrot fly - *tootingwurzeltrufax*.

I bet you're glad I'm here, eh? This a short update I know and it's posts like these that make me wonder if I've made the right decision to follow this dream......your feedback is appreciated - you are my readers as I'm constantly being told, and your opinion counts!

Big love x

The Tooting Wurzel has been working hard

Sorry these have been sporadic. Sadly work has been getting in the way! Pastywatch continues....


Oggy’s still rates as the best.


Rowe’s are rubbish – minced beef – for those not 'au fait' with pasties it has to be chopped steak!
I also have to dispute Morris’s Pasties claim to be the best pasty (as voted for by the Times and Telegraph) – and it was tasty but a very poor amount of filling – not enough meat (story of my life!). I’m sorry I haven’t got any pictures up yet.

I hasten to add that this is only my humble opinion and no way should be used a benchmark in pasty-tasting.



I was also going to include the links for the companies above, but apparently cornish pasties companies are big into franchises, and as such, the only notable things their websites show is how to get a pasty franchise. But hey - if that's your things there's plenty out there!

I should also explain that they have a delightful version called a ‘cocktail’ pasty. This immediately makes me think of Ferrero Rocher – ‘with these pasties monsieur, you are spoiling uzzzz’ – it is in fact a mini pasty! A scaled down version if you will. I can’t wait to have a party to serve these little treasures. They are fabulous.



I am visiting Truro tomorrow, so if you're really lucky I may have some fresh pasty news.



I am also now a member of the allotment society (membership - humans: 45 collies: 1) and on Saturday I (mostly) planted purple sprouting broccoli, little gem lettuces, broad beans and peas - so I will be including updates on this too - providing the slugs don't get there first.



Before I sign off I thought you might like to see where I sat last weekend, whilst supping a pint of fine Cornish cider:




We were at a lovely pub called the Boathouse, this is the view, and here's the map

As well as doing this I also have to do a professional blog as part of my course, along with a website, so this is why it's taking me so long! I will, of course, add links to them here....

Tooting Wurzel goes to the Oyster Festival

First of all, sorry for the latest of this blog.

I’ve actually had to do some work – it’s certainly shocked me I can tell you!

First criticisms today, (apart from you lot, please carry on - all constructive) on a positive note – it can only get better – and I mean that most sincerely folks! *music please*.
Aristotle has a lot to answer for. I’m sure that’s bad English but give me time...please.

Luckily, Falmouth is still delightful and we had the Oyster Festival to enjoy this weekend. On Friday afternoon (no lectures on Friday, I hasten to add) I bought smelly cheese, lavender fudge (okay – it could be vile but I had to try it - will report back) and I tried Vintage Reserve Cider (matured in whiskey barrels) and lots more besides.

I enjoyed it so much that on Friday night I spent some time trying to get into the wrong block of flats, once realised, the conversation went something like this (screenwriting practice too you see?!):

Me [to my neighbour on mobile] Chris, Chris, my key’s not working can you come out and help?
Chris: Of course, be out in a sec.
Me: Great thanks, you’re a star.
Chris: I’m outside, where are you?
Me: Yeah?
Chris: But where?
Me: Oh...Block D?
Chris: You live in Block E [laughter]
Me: Oh yeah [sniggers, hic]

Saturday continued with friends from London and friend from course SJ – lots of champagne (Cornish, natch) and oysters (ditto, natch), sea shanties, etc and laughter. Ending with a climb up to the Jacob’s Ladder pub – so called because of the ‘Jacob’s Ladder’ of steps. SJ ‘poo-pooed’ the climb, although was heard to say to a descendee ‘would I be stopping if I was on the way down?’ A good point, well made wouldn’t you say? Although that could have had something to do with champagne.

Sunday lunch was at The Falmouth Townhouse which was lovely. Food divine: Slow Roast Pork Belly and Roast Beef with all the trimmings. Service impeccable, so much so that the chef gave us - unasked for - olives, bread and vodka, infused with chilli, vanilla and horseradish – with oysters – yum. Kathryn asked me if I had chewing gum (negative) – and yeay, suddenly it appeared. Suffice to say my doggy bag is still half full and to be ditched, purely because, for a change, I am not piggy enough.

I have to admit Sunday evening was a little flat – so much fun and then back to work – but I do love the work – never thought I’d say that!

Sorry this is short and hopefully sweet, but I wanted to make contact sooner rather than later, friends have pointed out that I have to changed the setting on my blog to enable you all to make comments if you wish – will try tomorrow. I have missed out far more than I intended which will appear in a later blog.

Sleep well.

PS still miss you all x

Tooting Wurzel becomes a Radio Star!

Well, the first week is over and it feels like a month!

Last week saw us write, record and produce a comedy radio show from scratch, having never met each other before – it was meant to be a bonding exercise – and at the risk of sounding twee, it certainly was that! It was broadcast on Source FM on Friday afternoon and I’m going to try and get a copy to post so you can all hear it.

Don’t worry my efforts only made their way onto the cutting room floor......so you won’t have to pretend you found it hilarious. Although you will hear my voice shouting ‘murderer’ – funny huh!?

There’s a real mix of ages group, the youngest is 21 and the oldest in their 60s so it’s a real mixed bag and all with different backgrounds and reasons for being here.

Friday night was the Freshers’ Ball – I am afraid I cannot give you a first-hand account, as although I’m technically a ‘fresher’ (or should that be ‘refresher’ – not sure!) I couldn’t bring myself to travel back in time to witness pimply youths puking in bins, punching inanimate objects and peeing on their own shoes; or girls hoiking up their strapless dresses and/or extracting their skirts from their knickers.

At least that how I remember it.....instead I thought this would be a prudent time to do my laundry as it would be empty.

In my brief time here I have decided that, for the greater good of mankind, it is only right and proper that I give you a taste of Cornwall and in one word that means PASTIES.

I will be trying one from every pasty vending establishment in Falmouth – and will be reporting back on their quality – pastry, filling etc., and where possible they will be photographically illustrated.

So far I have tested three pasty purveyors:
Warren’s, Oggy’s and Presto Pasty.
Pastry and filling all good and tasty (pastry hand-crimped, natch) although a *little* too much swede in Presto’s for my liking.....

Pastywatch will continue next week.....

Today I ventured to the Learning Resource Centre – or for those of you born post 1980 – the library. All what one would expect until you reach the Visual Reference section – or DVD borrowing library.

They are catalogued and numbered sequentially – but in no order whatsoever, in terms of genre, i.e. completely randomly. For example number 10559 is ‘What the Industrial Revolution Did for Us’ and number 10560.....anyone, anyone.....well it’s obviously ‘Shaving Ryan’s Privates’! Genius. Although ‘The Joy of Curry’ (I am not kidding) *is* next to ‘Making a Fortune – the Asian Way’.

I did toy with the idea of borrowing ‘My Penis and I: Extended Version’ but decided against it.

Next week seminars begin in earnest so I will report back on that, ‘cocktail' pasties, alcoholic ginger beer (weapon grade strength) and more besides.....