The Novel continues.....

Hello again. Yes you’ve guessed it – having a break from the novel. It is going better though, thanks for asking. You did ask right?

I watched the rugby on Saturday at a hostelry off campus in town. I didn’t realise that I had forgotten what stubble looked like. Living on campus with a bunch of eighteen year olds has obviously taken its toll. I am hoping some of their youthful exuberance will rub off on me – and that’s doesn’t mean 4am finishes. Let’s be realistic here.

Since joining the gym last week, I did the first bit of exercise since I came down and very pleased with myself too I was. That’ll get the little grey cells working I thought. I was temporarily puzzled when I tried to get out of bed this morning. When had I missed the fact that I had been set about with a large mallet? I could barely move my arms and legs and turning my head required the kind of movement which just makes me look very odd, ie. I am in a lot of pain. I think that when asked where I was from when joining the gym. The answer ‘London’ met with a look which said ‘She should know what she’s doing, but we’ll check’ – as it should. However in my brain this computed to ‘show them what you are made of’. So after at least six months of non-gym attendance I proceeded to go hell for leather at both at spinning class (Fri) and Bodypump (Sat). It may have helped my brain – but the body is suffering.

Doing research yesterday in the papers, (for the novel – natch), I discovered that I am in fact a ‘Pankie’, this is Professional Aunt No Kids, thank goodness I’m not Working eh, otherwise that would be unfortunate....Apparently I am in good company – Beyonce and Kylie are (or will become) Pankies – although I have neither Beyonce’s enormous behind nor Kylie’s frozen forehead thankfully. If one is a Hopeless Aunt, would you be a Hankie? Or am I a Skilled Aunt – a skankie – now that’s not so nice is it? Anyhow, they didn’t elaborate.

What I really want to be though is something else. I am trying to think a suitable acronym.....

How not to write a novel...

This is the brilliant website that I found whilst I was doing my research for the profile of Jason Goodwin for the Port Eliot Festival. Check it out it’s great.
http://www.authorsinthekitchen.com/author-index/
Now here is where I have ickle pickle confession to make. The above statement may sounds worthy, nay even clever, hey, I was working. But this is only half the story. I was, in fact, practising work avoidance, albeit cleverly disguised. I was doing something I would rather be doing, rather than actually doing the thing I should be doing. If you know what I mean. Got it? So whilst I was feeling all smug that I had research and written my profiles (TWO hasten I has to add – this was extreme work avoidance) I should have been writing my novel. Well just the plan actually. It’s got to be done by Tuesday and if it’s not I’m in trouble.
Not ‘kick me of the course’ trouble, but ‘you’ve got 10 weeks to write 30,000’ trouble. You see what I mean? It goes well for a bit and then I get distracted.
For example, when I (or one of my characters) is faced with a particularly pithy dilemma (or conflict as we novelists call it), I’ll think ‘I wonder what’s happening in the world today?’ Saying to myself that, after all, if I am to be a writer, I must be abreast of current affairs. Hey presto, this now gives me carte blanche to spend half an hour surfing the internet looking at ‘news’ stories, but usually being waylaid by the horoscopes instead (always hideously inaccurate I find, so even more of a waste of time).
See look what’s happened here. This very moment in fact. See it has happened without me even realising it! I was writing my plan and then thought I had to share my thoughts with everyone. I’ve already tweeted that it’s a lovely sunny day, my hyacinths smell lovely and spring has arrived in Cornwall.
I’m also due to watch the rugby at 5 so I’d better get my skates on...work avoidance is *so* time consuming....